My girls. What would I ever do without them? They watched this whole story unfold, from painful start to exhilarating finish. Many times I wondered if it was all much harder on them than it ever was on me. They had to see it all, and feel helpless in trying to change anything. Believe me, they tried. They were there for me every time I called. They listened, they gave advice, they pointed out the abuse, they gave me options. And through it all they watched me attempt to get out, and then decide to go back time and again. They had to hear me say that this time it would be different. They had to watch me withdraw, sucked back into a controlled life. They had to see me give up who I was to be who someone else wanted. And each time I went back, they had to watch it take longer to leave. From beginning to ending it took 9 years, and they were my steadfast supporters, waiting for me to finally break free.

 

Of those 9 years, it was 4 years before we bought our first home together. We had ended and started many times already in that first 4 year stage. We decided to buy a house and bring everyone under one roof (us, the kids) *We had actually tried once before, much earlier, to move everyone under one roof, but hadn't bought a place together, just moved into his place. Different story - same problems, same ending. With this new house purchase, we lasted just 3 months before the first 'move out'. I had given up (sold) my own home and moved myself and my boys into this new home where we tried to begin living as a blended family.

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The first time I left that new home, one of my girlfriends let me store every bit of furniture and belongings I owned in the garage of her semi. We had it packed full! I stayed out for a month. My friend's new boyfriend at the time, I'm sure, had some 'eyebrow-raised' moments, wondering where exactly I had come from, but he stood firmly behind us in our friendship and in her support of me and my little family. (These two wonderful friends are since married with 2 children and have been an unwavering support. They are just two of my many blessings.)

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The second time I left, I didn't take a thing. By this point we had been in the new home for a year. We just packed our clothes and left. Back home with Mom and Dad. At 37 years old with 2 kids in tow! They welcomed us with open arms and never asked a single question. My Mom is my first and lifelong girlfriend. We stayed in my parents' home for a month and then moved back to try to repair the relationship by living apart on 2 separate levels of the house for another month before living as a blended family again. We stayed almost 2 more years before we left the next time.

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The third time I left, we stayed gone for 4 months. We went to court to fight over splitting the home, the assets. He threatened to go after any monies my Dad had left to me (I lost my Dad between the second and third attempt to leave). I didn't speak directly to him, only through lawyers, for the full time away. And still I went back. We stayed over 2 more years before we left once again. And this time my relationship with my oldest son was in serious jeopardy. This time he had watched for long enough. He moved out first. I followed. None of that part of the story is easy. But it brought us to where we are now. We have never looked back.

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My girlfriends, the sisters in my life, watched every bit of this. Hated feeling helpless. But never let me go through any of it alone. They swooped in when I said I needed help and let me go when I said we were doing fine. And they waited. When it was finally time, our friendships had survived the turmoil that could have broken them and for this I will be forever grateful. It was not easy for them. They have confided there were times when they did not know if they could do it any longer. But they continued on with me, and our sisterhood is one of the greatest gifts of my life thus far.

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- Leaving abuse finding bliss