Why Stay?

I thought it was normal. Everyone knows that people fight with each other. Everyone said, “blended families take work, they’re hard.” And I had never tried a blended family before so I thought the constant uphill struggle was all a part of how they begin. That it was reasonable to have arguments about parenting. So in the beginning I kept trying to work it out. Trying to explain why I believed in the way I parented. I know now….the digs, the slights, the outright ‘you’re a horrible parent’,  were his obvious attempts at control. He had no interest or investment in working anything out, or in supporting anything about the mother child relationship that had been ours for almost 13 years before the three of us even knew he existed. Underneath all of his comments and judgements were constant little pushes for control, and I was spending so much time trying to hold on to who I was, as a person and as their Mom, I wasn’t focusing on what was so apparent....I needed to run (Told you. If you didn’t listen the first time, this is me telling you again.) I needed to not look back, not take time to see if it could work, not wonder if I was being too sensitive, not remain present for that treatment one more minute. Just RUN (third time I have tried to gift you this message).